I didn’t complete many works during 2020.
I painted often, almost daily, but mostly just for process.
One work that was deemed finished at least 3 times before it felt complete, is aptly titled ‘Letting Go’.
You see the irony there is, for most of 2020, I could not let this painting go.
I kept returning to it with another color to add, more drip work, some more scratching and scraping even when technically she was complete but my process was not.
I have lost many a painting to process but it is important not to over prioritize the finished product .
The therapeutic act of making art is more important that the art produced, which is a good thing, because there were many unfinished works and big messes in the studio this past year but it makes the work that does get resolved so much more special!
In 2020 I painted through my shock, my fears and sorrows….for the best part of the year.
‘Letting go’ kept calling me back!
While I was painted, I processed my emotions about Covid-19, my inability to access my eldest daughter and wider family in Australia, our changed plans for relocating to NZ for our youngest child’s first year in college and of course the layers of fear and mistrust that erupted to challenge me to find my way back to center and find my true north.
It wasn’t all doom and gloom though, as each time I worked diligently I found I unhooked another strong hold of a need to control or have the need to have definitive answers to my many and ever changing questions.
Somehow while working, I softened in my fear to find practicality and a way forward into the unknown.
One day at a time.
In June, my long awaited (18 months) solo show at Bainbridge Island Public Library was cancelled due to rising Covid numbers and rightfully so, but on a personal level it became another test of finding internal acceptance of undesired change.
I was pleased the library did what was best for the community wellbeing but a little lost in my personal direction for a minute. It’s hard for most artists who work in solitude, often an exhibition in the works gives us structure and a goal to work toward as well as the opportunity to share the work outside the studio.
You can imagine my joy when Patrick Gulke (library associate and the instigator of ‘Art is Happening’) invited me to share a work in his annual group show for the month of September at the very same library!
‘Letting Go’ was the pivotal work in the series I had planned to show in June, so naturally it was the work I chose to share in the group show.
It is still a strange time for us all, the pandemic not yet run its course and still much uncertainty as we navigate how to move forward while still protecting our vulnerable.
I have been thinking how poignant the energy of 'Letting Go' is at this time...we have not yet built the new and may not even be sure what to build yet, but we see the fragments of old structure falling away ready to create something more resonant.
I hope you get a chance to drop in to the library in the month of September to take in Patrick’s beautiful curatorship and wonderful works of 13 artists from our very own Bainbridge Is!
Artists on show: Patrick Gulke, Jamie Brouwer, Marilynn Gottlieb, Drew Kinninmont, Michael Pontieri, Sara Tuminello, Diane Walker, John Wiens, Susan Wiersema, Eileen Wold, Silas Bryant-Kunz, Chris Demarest and Deborah Rhee.
“Letting Go”
24” x 24”
Oil on Canvas
2020